I'm so Sorry

Discussion in 'Rainbow Bridge Memorials' started by pokyone42, May 20, 2014.

  1. pokyone42

    pokyone42 New Member

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    I know. I am supposed to be a tough farmer, but, I guess I am really not. I write a lot-I think it is how I cope sometimes, especially when things just don't make a lot of sense to me. and, so, I just wrote this.

    I'm So Sorry
    (for Clarice's baby goat-boy 5/16/2014-5/18/2014)

    I was excited, so happy to see,
    Your Mom getting bigger, and more snugly with me.
    I knew one day soon, you would enter this world.
    A boy would be fine, though I hoped for a girl.
    I had no idea, it would be that same day,
    Or I would have been with her, and you might be okay.
    I just did not know, You'd be born on that day,
    I thought that your birth was a few days away.
    But your mom was so quiet, and I did not know,
    That she was in trouble, Your birth way too slow.
    When I heard on the speaker, a strange tiny sound,
    Your Mom almost silent, as she pushed and laid down.
    I ran to the barn, and could tell right away,
    Your position was bad-can't be born in that way.
    I helped to give birth, but was not fast enough,
    I tried and I hurried, but your birth was too rough.
    You'd been stuck for so long, that I thought you were dead,
    When you suddenly gasped, and moved your small head.
    I worked really hard, and I could not believe,
    When I FINALLY saw you begin to breathe.
    It had been way too long, and I knew things looked bad,
    And I worked on you, and your mom was so very sad.
    She knew it was wrong, yeah your mom she could tell,
    When you could not get up, make a noise, or breathe well.
    She tried and she pleaded for you to get up.
    But I had not been there, for your birth soon enough.
    And so, little baby, I want you to know,
    Your Mommy still cries, cuz she misses you so.
    I'm sorry there was not anymore I could do,
    I did all I could, to try and save you.
    I hope you felt love, in your brief time on Earth,
    I'm so sorry I failed you, and your mom at your birth.
     
  2. salemfarms

    salemfarms New Member

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    Sally- Those words describe what almost all of the forum members here have felt at at least one time. Most could not have put those feelings into words as beautifully as you have. THIS is why we hope you will not give up on your mission. If you care that deeply you will be a wonderful steward for you animals. A heartfelt hug from one goat mom to another.
     

  3. Kepi

    Kepi New Member

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    Yeah, been there

    the first two kids that were introduced to the herd were born in snow, on a bitterly cold day, two weeks early. The mother had just dropped them and wandered off, I only found them because I heard one of them cry out.

    Three hours later I had to give up, I'd tried body warmth, feeding them mom's milk, everything I could think of, but it wasn't to be a happy ending. Fortunately the mother (a first timer) hasn't seemed that bothered, the rest of the new arrivals are fit and healthy and I'm getting plenty of milk every day so I'm running a small cheese production setup now.

    It's always sad to lose animals, the only thing is to make sure that we are good to our livestock while they are with us.
     
  4. janner

    janner New Member

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    I should have been there for one of my births this year too and lost the prettiest little doeling because of it. I can tell the guilt you feel in your words and it brought it all back to me....that still little body...I had just checked at 2:30am and it was only 5:30am...yet...I was not there. Yes I cried then and I cried when I read you poem, but we can not always be there. We can only do our best and learn from our mistakes and know we do the best we can...that's a heckofa lot more than some goat owners. What helps me is to look forward to next year and the opportunity to use the new knowledge I gleaned from my experiences and strive to do better.
    janice
    janice
     
  5. pjt367

    pjt367 New Member

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    I, too, am sorry for your loss and heartache. I am amazed at how much love and feeling you can have for goats. I didn't realize just how deep it is until I lost one. And my husband is even softer about it than I am. Your poem is beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing it and relieving a little bit of my guilt and inadequate feelings. I hope you can find little moments of happiness until time can soften your heartache a little.